Sudden Phone Calls Are Sudden
Editor(s): Speedphoenix, Joker
“Ugh…” I placed a palm against my forehead as I slowly rose from my bed. “My head…” As my vision slowly returned, my eyes found themselves captured by the girl sitting at my bedside.
“So you have finally awoken,” she said, in a soothing, warm tone.
“It looks like… I’m in the true throne room…?” I mumbled. “Did you carry me all the way here?”
The fact that I was indoors could only have meant that someone had moved me. And that, in all likelihood, that someone had been her.
“I did not. Rir was also involved in your transportation,” she said with a lighthearted shrug.
Pretty sure that means she did a fair bit of the work, at least.
“…Thanks,” I said. “For carrying me here, and for treating me.” Though I’d awoken under the impression that I was still in pain, I realized that was not actually the case once my mind caught back up with the situation at hand. I had definitely not come out of the situation unscathed. Not even my ridiculously overtuned body could tank a Lefi-powered baseball to the face and get away with it. Which means she probably fixed me up. She normally doesn’t let it show, but she’s actually really damned good at taking care of people.
“I did nothing worthy of your gratitude. The wound I mended was one I caused.” She smiled at me. “I have, however, marked the second round as my victory. We are now tied, one to one.”
“I guess we are,” I chuckled.
“We would do best to exchange roles to settle the score. I shall throw, and you shall repe—”
“I’m good, thanks. We can just call it your win.”
I shifted to a traditional Japanese pose of repentance as I cut her off. The gesture prompted her to laugh, cheerfully, before pushing on her knees to move closer to me and ruffling my hair.
“Then by my right as victor, I demand that you spend the evening serving me drink.”
“Aye. Yer wish be my command, boss lady. I’ll getcha all the booze y’could ever want.”
“I could have done without a dramatic enactment,” she said, with a wry smile.
We began drinking as soon as the girls went to sleep. And it wasn’t just Lefi and I. Both Leila and Lyuu had opted to join us. Of the three girls, the one that demanded the most attention was the same one that had called for the event to begin with.
“What delays you, Yuki? Serve me another cup at once.” She made a demand as she continued to cling to my arm.
“Alright, alright, I’m on it,” I said as I did as she asked.
“Wow Lefi… you’re guzzlin’ it down real fast…” The warwolf laughed along in a mix of awkwardness and amazement as she watched the other woman down the cup in a single swig.
“She’s always like this,” I said. “Her alcohol tolerance is actually pretty shitty, but she kinda makes up for it by sobering up quickly.”
“That’s pretty darn cute in its own kinda way.”
“Enough, Lyuu. This is the time to exchange drinks, not words.”
“Don’t you worry, Lefi, I’m drinkin’ as much as you are.” She raised her cup to her lips and gulped down another mouthful. “Wait, Lefi?”
Once her gaze reset, Lyuu realized that the dragon girl she had been conversing to only a moment prior was no longer paying any attention to her—or anyone else, for that matter.
“…That’s some real darn good timin’ right there,” said Lyuu. “She fell asleep right as I raised my glass.”
One moment, she had been perfectly fine, or at least as fine as someone totally plastered could be. But in the next, she was on my lap and fast asleep. There was no gradual transition between the two. It was as if someone had flipped a switch and shut her down.
Lyuu and I exchanged glances, and then began to laugh. The silver-haired maiden’s behaviour was certainly going to remain on our minds for quite some time.
“I had no idea you could hold your liquor so well,” I said.
“Me neither. This has gotta be my first time drinkin’ like this,” she said. “But it seems I ain’t the only one that can drink like a fish. The same goes for you, Master. You seem real sober for someone that’s had so much.”
“I might not seem as drunk as a sailor, but I totally am. I’m getting pretty dizzy,” I said.
Both Lyuu and I had been downing excessive amounts of alcohol in order to keep up with the dragon’s demands. I was already starting to walk the line between staying conscious and passing out and forgetting half the night. But despite having drank roughly the same amount as me, the beastkin was doing just fine. She didn’t even look the slightest bit under the influence.
Hearing that I wasn’t exactly in a right state of mind caused her to shift between glancing at me and the floor before seemingly making up her mind and leaning onto the arm that Lefi had abandoned.
“I’m startin’ to think I might’ve had too much too,” she said, coquettishly. “I’m heatin’ up.” She pulled on the collar of her uniform and began fanning air through it as she turned her head just enough to shoot me a seductive glance out of the corner of her eye.
“You uh… really don’t have to pretend to be drunk just to get flirty,” I said.
“What did y’think?” She turned around and gave my arm a squeeze as she giggled. “Did yer heart skip a beat?”
“Nah, not at all. Acting that way doesn’t really suit you. The only thing I got out of you was a laugh.”
“A-a laugh!?” The wolf girl reeled; she had been dealt a critical blow. “T-that can’t be right! C-come on, Master, I’m even shown’ you my chest! Everyone’s always told me guys are real fond o’ that kinda stuff!”
She seemed extremely frustrated by my lack of a reaction, so she doubled down by unbuttoning the top of her blouse and pulling it down in order to reveal even more of her so-called cleavage as she did her best to snuggle up to me.
“This would be totally hot as fuck if you were as busty as Leila, but honestly, you’re too flat for there to be anything to see.”
“Wow! That’s rude, Master, real rude!”
Yeah, but it’s not really my fault. Showing off your chest doesn’t get you anywhere if you don’t have a chest… Clearly angry, the beastkin puffed up her cheeks and began attempting to drum her fists against my chest, but I laughed it off and casually waved away her arms whilst telling her that I was just joking. Even though I totally wasn’t.
“I can’t believe you, Master! I’m not that flat!” She huffed. “Why’s it you gotta be so cheeky when your darlin’ fiancée’s tryin’ her gosh darn best to try ‘n seduce you?”
“It’s okay, Lyuu. Don’t feel bad about it. It’s just, you know, everyone’s got things they’re good at and things they’re not. You, you’re just not so good at making yourself out to be sexy. But don’t worry, you’ve got your good points too. You’re a good victim. Teasing you is one of the highlights of my day.”
“Oh, fine! If you’re just gonna keep playin’ the cynic, then I’m gonna stop fallin’ for it, be the bigger person, and forgive you. Even if you were bein’ real rude.”
“Thanks. Happy to hear it.”
Our conversation hit a bit of a lull, so I took a moment to look at Leila, who’d been leisurely drinking away at her own pace. At first glance, it looked like she was as much of a heavyweight as Lyuu, but more careful observation led me to realize that , though she looked to be all smiles as usual, her cheeks were totally flushed. She was every bit as drunk as I was. Wait a second. Dude… Holy shit…
“Uhh… You okay, Leila?” I asked, as I realized that she had twice as many empty bottles around her as the rest of us combined.
“Oooof Cooouuurse.” she replied, with her words much more slurred than usual. “I’m doing juuust fiiiine.”
The way she looked at me, with her eyes glossy due to drunkenness, was almost erotic, in a way.
“You sure? ‘Cause I’m uhhh… pretty sure you’ve had a bit too much for you to be okay.”
“I’m peeerfectly fiiine, My Loooord.”
She smiled and paused for a moment after speaking, only to close her eyes and fall over and bonk her head against the floor.
“L-Leila!?” I panicked for a moment, but soon realized that, like Lefi, she’d just fallen asleep. “I’m surprised she didn’t wake back up with how hard she just hit her head,” I muttered with a wry smile.
“Maybe all the drinkin’ made it so she ain’t feelin’ much anymore,” said Lyuu.
Yeah, that’s probably it. She’ll probably wake up the next morning and wonder why she’s got a bump on the side of her head.
“Well, Master, now’s your chance,” said Lyuu. “She’s out cold, so you can mess ‘round with her chest as much as you want.”
“Nah, I’m good,” I calmly rejected the suggestion. Lyuu, please. What do you take me for?
“But weren’t you just talkin’ ‘bout it?”
“I only brought it up for comparison’s sake. Honestly, I’m more of an ass man. Thighs are what really make a woman.”
“That mean you’re gonna be fondlin’ her thighs instead?”
“…Nope,” I said, after a brief pause.
“Looks like you had to do some real thinkin’ that time.”
“Oh, shut up,” I grumbled.
Can you really blame me? Leila’s got the hottest bod in town. And as a man, that isn’t something I can just not notice, you know?
Lyuu laughed, but her joy soon died down. Her smile twisted into a lonely frown.
“I wish Nell was here,” she said, “It ain’t the same without her.”
“Yeah, I know. Me too,” I joined her in lamenting, but soon perked up. “Wait a second… I just remembered…”
“Remembered what, Master?”
“I remembered that I gave Nell one of the MK-II correspondence orbs.”
Hell yeah! We can ring her up whenever! I had actually left my own Orb of Correspondence MK-II outside my inventory just in case she decided to call us. I quickly rose to my feet, grabbed it off to my work bench, and returned to where Lyuu was seated.
“What’s that thing do?”
“It pretty much works like a cell pho—er, wait, you wouldn’t get that, would you?” I cut myself off after realizing that modern technology was a foreign concept to this fantastical world’s residents. “So it basically lets you talk to people even if they’re really far away. All you gotta do is charge it with mana.”
“Wow! That sounds real convenient!”
“Yeah, only problem is that it burns mana like crazy. It’d probably drain you dry in a minute, tops.”
“…I’m startin’ to think it ain’t as useful as it seems.”
“Yeah, well I’m a demon lord, and she’s a hero. I’m pretty sure we’ll be able to keep it running for a full hour, at the very least.” I channeled my magical energies into the “phone” and activated it as I explained. “Heeeeey Nell, you there?”
“Hyah!? W-what the heck!?
“Oh, sweet. It looks like it’s actually working,” I said. “So, how’s it going?”
“It’s uhm… going fine. Is it really you, Yuki?” She responded, timidly.
“Yup, real Yuki here, in the not-so-flesh,” I said. “You been keeping busy lately?”
“Mhm. I’ve been doing pretty just fine. But I’m really starting to miss being able to bathe everyday.”
Oh right… Thinking back, I recalled that Nell had actually taken a pretty good liking to the bath. Not being able to take one everyday certainly seemed like it would suck for someone that had grown accustomed to one.
“So uhm… did you call me because you needed me for something?”
“Nah. You happened to come up in a conversation, so I suddenly felt the urge to hear your voice.”
“Are ya sure you’re doin’ fine, Nell,” asked Lyuu. “Are ya eatin’ properly?”
“Oh, uhm… hey Lyuu,” said Nell, after being taken aback by the sudden change in speaker. “I’m sure I’m okay. I really miss Leila’s cooking, but I’m still eating properly.”
“You have to make sure to eat real nice, balanced meals all the time no matter what, m’kay!? Part of bein’ an attractive woman is to never stop takin’ care of yourself.”
“Don’t worry, Lyuu, I know,” she said. “You make sure you keep on your toes too, okay? You can’t just copy Lefi and eat nothing but sweets. Our bodies aren’t like hers. We’ll gain weight the moment we try eating the way she does.”
“Errr.. uhm… y-yeah, I know.”
Lyuu averted her eyes from the orb. And that is what we call getting called out.
Despite living away from home, Nell was every bit as aware as I was that Lyuu had basically opted to join our resident good-for-nothing dragon every single time she felt the urge to consume a sweet treat. The girl in my lap was likely capable of eating a whole mountain of sugar without gaining so even a single pound, but the same couldn’t be said for Lyuu, who gained a noticeable amount of weight every time she let herself go.
“E-enough ‘bout that. Anythin’ interestin’ happen lately?”
“Hmmm…” Nell paused for a moment to think. “I managed to catch a weird panty thief, if that counts.”
“…How’s a weird panty thief any different from any other panty thief?” asked Lyuu.
“Iunno,” I said. “I’m pretty sure all panty thieves are weird. Being a degenerate sounds pretty much like par of course for anyone that resorts to it.”
“We thought he was just another pervert at first,” said Nell, “but it turns out that it wasn’t that simple. After breaching his base of operations, we discovered that he had used the stolen panties to make a magic circle, and that he was trying to conduct some sort of ritual.”
He what? I… okay…
And so, Lyuu and I spent the rest of the night chatting with Nell, even in spite of the fact that she was in a faraway land.